Sample Sections From The Manual:
"How To Twist Your Turd"


The Turd Twister is designed to fit comfortably up your butt during your morning constitutional.  Insert the Extruder Ring, hold it tenderly between your butt cheeks, and let nature take its course.  Now you can take advantage of sophisticated Turd Twister extrusion technology to craft incredible excremental designs whenever you like!
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Safety Considerations:

For your safety, maintain a firm grip on the the Safe-T-Floss™ Retraction Cord.  Think of it as your "rip-cord to relief", should you ever find the Turd Twister in an inappropriate, or uncomfortable location.  The Safe-T-Floss™ System was engineered to work to the specifications of most major dental floss manufacturers, however, for maximum security and peace of mind, you may wish to employ a 30-lb test fishing line.  Heavier cord is recommended especially for users that have a tendency to "sphincter-pinch" during extrusion.
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Options for Placement:

The Chair Squat: Place the Extruder Ring in the center of a non-upholstered chair. Drop your pants or raise your skirt and carefully ease yourself down onto the Turd Twister. A chair with armrests is recommended to maintain proper balance. Once you feel the plastic touching your butt cheeks, start a swivelling / rocking motion to assist entry of the device. You will have completely inserted the Ring once you are fully seated, and can lift your feet off the ground.
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"The device flew out of my ass while I was taking a dump. What's wrong?"

Probable cause and solution:
- You may have too much or improper lubrication. Remove the device and wipe it down with a dish towel. If lubrication is desired, we recommend saliva only.
- Excess gas can cause the device to rocket across the room. Refer to the "Dietary Concerns" section of this manual.
- Your sphincter may have abnormally expanded. Immediately discontinue use and consult a physician.
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